Wednesday, February 20, 2013

The Pirate Bunny

     (a hare-razing tale)
by C.M. Joserlin, "Raven"
I'll tell you of the Pirate Bunny,
A fluffy tale, but never funny:
A mad hare with a lust for money.
          Ahoy, the Pirate Bunny!

The gold rings in his tattered ears
Marked all the ships he'd sunk in years
Of causing seven oceans' fears:
          The Dreaded Pirate Bunny!

Two buck teeth showed in fearsome grin
The merry lack of conscience in
A lepus deeply steeped in sin:
          Har-HARRH, the Pirate Bunny!

He had one pink and maddened eye.
His legends made the sailors cry:
"Do not surrender — better die
          Than face the Pirate Bunny!"  *

He'd haul your vessel to a stop,
Line up the crew and make them hop
Into the ocean with a plop!
          Yo-HO, the Pirate Bunny!

The stories flew from shore to shore,
And legends grew, how more and more
This bunny bathed in grue and gore:
          The Bloody Pirate Bunny!

The end is short, but not too sweet:
At last a massive Navy fleet
Cut off both the rabbit's feet:
          Unlucky Pirate Bunny!

Don't be too quick to count your eggs!
The Committee for Public Safety begs:
"Run from a rabbit with wooden legs,
          For it's the Pirate Bunny!"

* Anticipating by centuries the later "shock-and-awe-will-win-their-hearts-and-minds" campaigns of George W. Bush.

Tune: start with Sondheim's "Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd!" and adapt metre as needed....

This was a side-effect of one of Owen Alun's Bardic Madness challenges (draw three topics from a hat, pick two and write a piece combining them). I didn't draw "Pirates" and "Bunnies", but I saw them get left behind on the table by others, and they stuck in my mind for later.

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