by C.M. Joserlin, "Raven"
I'll tell you of the Pirate Bunny,
A fluffy tale, but never funny:
A mad hare with a lust for money.
Ahoy, the Pirate Bunny!
The gold rings in his tattered ears
Marked all the ships he'd sunk in years
Of causing seven oceans' fears:
The Dreaded Pirate Bunny!
Two buck teeth showed in fearsome grin
The merry lack of conscience in
A lepus deeply steeped in sin:
Har-HARRH, the Pirate Bunny!
He had one pink and maddened eye.
His legends made the sailors cry:
"Do not surrender — better die
Than face the Pirate Bunny!" *
He'd haul your vessel to a stop,
Line up the crew and make them hop
Into the ocean with a plop!
Yo-HO, the Pirate Bunny!
The stories flew from shore to shore,
And legends grew, how more and more
This bunny bathed in grue and gore:
The Bloody Pirate Bunny!
The end is short, but not too sweet:
At last a massive Navy fleet
Cut off both the rabbit's feet:
Unlucky Pirate Bunny!
Don't be too quick to count your eggs!
The Committee for Public Safety begs:
"Run from a rabbit with wooden legs,
For it's the Pirate Bunny!"
* Anticipating by centuries the later "shock-and-awe-will-win-their-hearts-and-minds" campaigns of George W. Bush.
Tune: start with Sondheim's "Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd!" and adapt metre as needed....
This was a side-effect of one of Owen Alun's Bardic Madness challenges (draw three topics from a hat, pick two and write a piece combining them). I didn't draw "Pirates" and "Bunnies", but I saw them get left behind on the table by others, and they stuck in my mind for later.